I just need to rant my feelings, and no i do not feel like talking to someone about it, because talking to people just complicate matters even more.

Therefore, blog shall be my confidante for now.

So ok, now where do I go next. What am I doing? I don't even know.

All i know it's that, I am having difficulty drawing the line between past and present. I feel myself living in the past when suddenly it hits me, hey, you're no longer who you were, and things aren't the same anymore.

But I miss that familiarity, somehow. I know I shouldn't, but I've been missing it for 3 years. It's weird. How things always play out to be not like how you'd think it would be.

Anyway, all I can say is, I shall leave this up to God, because right now I am in absolutely no capacity to decide on my next course of action. I am in a sea of confusion, a really dark murky sea.

Oh God please tell me what to do now?

Time has flown indeed, and of all times, when I should be studying for my midterms, I suddenly have this sudden urge to type something on my long abandoned but memory filled blog.

Perhaps, it's the series of events that have been happening in my life, been playing little tricks and games with me.

I thought I knew what I was doing, I always think I know what I am doing. But now, it becomes all too murky and it isn't so clear anymore.

I still lay in bed, thinking and sometimes trying to fight back the tears. How foolish was I to let something so important just go. Like that. For no rhyme or reason.

But I always force myself to stop thinking, it's not fair to everyone. So I stop, I run away from it.

But I know. It's still there, somehow, eating through me. I have to face it.

I will soon, but I don't know how.

Please teach me.