Monday, February 27, 2006
... off to bed at night. i can't sleep, neither can he. comes over to check if im awake. i am. we take a stroll on the deck, staying till the sun rises and rushing back just before everyone wakes...-pouts- its so unfair. hmpf. heh. gosh i sound like some spoilt kid. hmm..lately i've been thinking of sth entirely impossible. nevertheless it's kinda nice to daydream about it and well, sadly speaking fantasize. AH!
life has been monotonous as usual. stuff with jon, i guess i could say we are good. yups. sweet one he is. =)
I WANNA GO! for.. but somehow i know it'll never happen. NEVER IN MY LIFE. God has been too nice to me already. I dun deserve anymore. Selfish me. hmpf. Haha.
anyway, watched Emily Rose. It isn't really scary. There is a slight fear i have at night, but ironically the fear is not of being possessed or anything. the fear is of whether that ring of god's protection can overpower other external forces.
well i had always imagined gods protection as this big circle around me, and that nothing would be able to enter to harm me. but the show has kinda made me query if gods powers can ever be overpowered. well it sure did seem that way in the show, cos im sure Father Richard moore had a very big circle of protection, and yet he was vulnerable to the demons' attacks. contradicting. oh wells whatever. stupid show. my faith is still kept strong.haha. but i think it was quite cool. hee. to think it's based on a true life story. looking forward to the Da Vinci Code. made into a movie. hee. Dan Brown. i love his books.
yesterday, i finally saw the importance of a choir with cheerful faces. mass felt so dead when the hossana and all the mass proper songs were sung. reason, the sunday choir was expressionless and kinda dead. only yest did i see how important the choir was to inspire the congregation.now i see why mel has been so persistant on us memorising the lyrics and looking at the congregation, and not forgetting a smile on our faces. it really works. did not go for choir last week, due to several reasons. then again im thinking, who gives a shit bout all that. y should i not go cos of some people.(well just 4 pple) weirdly darren thinks i have a problem with noel and greg or sth. no no no. its nth to do with them at all. anyway. im gonna continue playing for mass and contribute, for god, and not for anyone else. with that said, i must get all the songs for lenten vigil and learn all of them properly. have not been attending pracs. AHHH!
Posted by Brendy at 4:10 PM
Thursday, February 23, 2006
The Great Irony. It's utterly abonimable. Perhaps I'm just too repugnant.No I'm not. I guess it ain't really my fault. Sometimes I feel like my life gets screwed up unneccessarily. By total outsiders, people I'm not in any way related too. I would rather much dictate my own life then let someone else do it for me. Yes, and to YOU: lead your life the way you want it to be. I'm just so aghast by it. Just not to my liking. Don't exactly like people interferring my life and discommode me. My parents know me, therefore they try their best not to step in, and I'm thankful for it.My mom, despite being annoying at times, really strikes me somehow. How she really leaves me to make my own options. How she thinks that I should make a choice based on what I'm happy with and not what has a good outcome. It in a way gives me more freedom to make my own decisions and lead my life the way I want it to be. Sure, she may be a typical mom at times, nagging, being very abhorent, but I'm still thankful for it. I feel that sometimes she trusts me more with my own decisions, I mean BIG decisions, rather then anyone else. Hee.
I guess God works wonders. I can testify that HE really works in wondrous ways. Every single thing that falls upon you beholds a message from HIM. God, I got the message this time. THANKS MY FATHER! =)
Posted by Brendy at 11:10 PM
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Am i making the right choice really? Am i making the right choice to stay here, to do something i don't wanna do just to please people. YET AGAIN. i realised that these 17 yrs of my life have just been living up to other people's expectations. Im expected to this and that this and that this and that. ITS SICK. sometimes i wonder if it'd all be better if i went away. now im starting to regret staying in singapore. sigh. i hate this place totally. education system here. the people. the place. DISGUSTING. and now, even the place or rather the people. the group that used to make things all better just make it worse for me now. i no longer enjoy the times im there with them just like how i used to look forward to it. it was something i so looked forward to at the end of each week. now its like, should i go? will it be nice? or will it suck like last week. everything's so different, the people, the atmosphere. i have no idea why. perhaps its just cos of certain people. sigh. anyway, god, i'll leave everything up to you. after all i know everything happens for a purpose. and i realised i have absolutel nth to look forward to. sch reopening? absolutely not. im starting to get scared of TJ. after looking at how my frens are coping in there. seems quite bad. sigh. anyway..i might not even get posted there??? maybe the principal wouldnt like my name or sth. HEE. aye aye aye.there's this place i've taken an exceptional liking for. and that's the esplanade library. it's just soooooo different from the rest of singapore. everything and maybe most people there are kinda more sophisticated. more class and. it's just such a great environment to be alone, to study or whatsoever. unlike other libraries, it doesnt have noisy irritating kids runnig around playing catching or whatever. COS THERE AINT A KIDS SECTION! i think. heh. so yes. im in love with esplanade, and its library. its, unlike typical singapore. =)
Posted by Brendy at 1:23 PM
Saturday, February 18, 2006
(on the left) me and froggie prince (below) EMBARRASSED huang and her exploded ice cream =p
Ok now that the big hoo haa about O's are over and everythings settled down, it's time I wrote my long long long overdue entry. Hee. As it turns out, I didn't screw up my O's as I had predicted. Predictions, i realised aren't normally true. Anyway, I'm just soooooooo glad I'd be joining my darlings in TJC!! ESP one particular one, and that's none other than HUANGYY DARLINGG!!! Oh man how i missed her, and when we finally met up on the day the results were out, I had hell lots of fun with her. It's only with her that I can actually laugh till i cry, and i mean literally. Tears dripped down and my nose watered, all from laughing, and at what? at her silliness of cos. well this is what happened on the deadly afternoon of FEB 10.
we met earlier to catch up before we got our results, as I the pesimisstic one was whining and saying that i'd be killing myself soon after, so we had to see each other first. LOL. yes anyway we met, and she gave me my xmas pressie. This really really really cute froggie prince. hee. ( i heard its magical, i've yet to kiss it, but when i do, tada! a handsome prince would appear.) however i already have a handsome prince and i dun need another one just yet, so im saving it. rite huang? lol
and then, we decided to have ice cream at swensens. i ordered fries, and huang a crunchie cone. the waitress that served us told huang to be careful cos the cone was hard, so ya being HUANG, she must have been like, oh what can happen, its only a cone. but oh boy was she SOOOO wrong, when she bit into it. BOOM! BAM!! and explosion occurred!!! the cone had exploded! RIGHT IN OUR FACES! hahha. im not exaggerating, ok maybe just a lil. but yes the cone broke and bits and pieces flew everywhere, and to make things worse, the waitress came by and she was like, I warned you. LOL! and yes we burst into hysterical laughter, unable to control ourselves as usual. and tears started flowing down our cheeks. hee. and i started some crap by saying, OH HUANG! I TOLD YOU NOT TO HAVE A CRUSH ON ME! SEE LAH SO NERVOUS INFRONT OF ME UNTIL CONE ALL BREAK! HAHAHAH! yes, that was how lame it got. but it sure did calm our nerves a lil. hee.
and so we went to school. GRRR WHAT A NIGHTMARE. it's the worst worst feeling u can ever get. people were crying even before the results were out. lol. and the talk by ms liu, it seemed eternity, and guess what, i dun remember a word she said. haha. but anyway its all over! im just so glad i can be with all my darlings, huang, zhe ya, bixia, cheryl, dine, maryam... haha. whee!! like i told huang, we're gonna grab all the attention in TJ eh! ahhahahahah! just kidding.
hmmm. i went to sentosa that day. oh man! the LUGE RIDE IS SO FUN!i'm so goin again sometime soon. hee. anyway, i'll update sometime soon again! AU REVOIR!!!
Posted by Brendy at 12:04 PM
Saturday, February 11, 2006
CAN THE WHOLE WORLD STOP ASKING ME WHAT I GOT FOR O'S!!all im saying is i did ok..will be goin to TJC cos I JUST WANNA GO THERE. hais.
so tired of all this. why does everyone make such a big hooha out of everything. its only o levels!
ok sorry just so irritated. nevertheless glad id be joining my darling girls and jon in TJ. dad wants me to go to VJ but like i said its as good as asking me to kill myself. heh. yeah dat bad.
lol. so anyways. god really helped me for the fact i screwed up my prelims and slacked throughout the whole yr and only really studied one month before o's and can still get this kinda results. really i realised ive been really much of a slacker as my frens would noe. haha. sigh. god really works wonders but still, he only helps those who helps themselves. but sigh..like 4 yrs of green is not enough.. another 2 yrs of green will drive me nuts! hais..ok..nvm..enough of this..
Posted by Brendy at 11:44 AM
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Yesterday was certainly a day to be remembered.It started off with a msg from my darling in the morning telling me to wake up. Slept so late the night before so i couldn't really open my eyes the next morning, but the thought of going to church with my boy made me spring out of bed. Met him in church and attended mass, we were just slightly late. Hee. Mass was enjoyable.Fr Tou's last mass in holy family. Kinda sad, gonna miss his unclear speaking. Hee.I think homily was sth bout having faith in the lord? I think. Hee! Was really sleepy. After which we walked to my house, indecisive me didn't want to go to parkway, but when the bus came, i just somehow pulled Jon up.Heh. Walked around in pp for awhile, bot some cute stuff, then Jon walked me home. I was sooooooo tired but somehow the long long walk home seemed so short. I wonder why. Haha. Under normal circumstances if I had been that tired and all alone, i would have taken a cab back from parkway, yes parkway. As you know my house is really near to pp ,itd be a total waste of money. heh. Slept until Jon called me at 4 plus, had a tiny headache. Jon's dad came to pick me up and I went to their house for dinner. His mom cooked up a sumptuous meal. Went up to watch Tv after dinner. Jon's dad then came up and asked us to go down for 'dessert'. haha. I found it rather weird cos we already had dessert. the lights were switched off and suddenly jon's mom walked out of the kitchen holding a cake with lit candles and they all started singing me a birthday song, and then my boy came down with his guitar and attempted to strum but, wells good effort sweetheart. HAHAHA! i was so so so so touched by them. His mom remembered my birthday when i didnt even rmb telling her. really felt so good and thankful. hee. although its a days away from my actual birthday, i already know that this is gonna be a VERY unforgettable bdae. hee.Night before last was not bad too. Supposed to follow Edmond, Greg and Grismond to Malaysia for seafood. However cos of all those reports in the newspaper, dad said it was too dangerous, but wells I'd be having 3 bodyguards with me. Haha! Sigh. Anyhows they came over for supper. Haha. Thanks for the food guys. Heh. Slept bout 4.
I dunno why but i seem to like being in crowds more. I open up more and find it more fun. Maybe i just love my frens. Heee. But being alone is good too, but I can't stand too much of it. Hee. I needa be happening. Maybe that's why I get so tired. Haha. Results will be out on friday. After my birthday. Thank God. Peaceful birthday at least. Heh.
Posted by Brendy at 10:30 PM
Friday, February 03, 2006
Sometimes i wonder why i even get myself involved in such stuff when i know nothing good will come out of it. I mean what possible good could happen, i should have known. Utterly disappointed with myself, and I'm sorry to you whom I may have hurt. Didn't mean to. But sometimes certain things just cause you to act to irrationaly. Heh. What was i thinking really. All i can say is I'm sorry. Hope friendship stays and shan't have anything to do with 'the fren'. Nothing ever happened. SighPosted by Brendy at 12:15 PM
Thursday, February 02, 2006
this entry is to my sugar pie honey bunch swee huang! haha..huang i've yet to write an entry on you. you better write one on me too k. hahahuang is my bestest buddy in my 17 years of life. she has made me realise that good frenships are not established neccessarily with time but rahter how fate brings you together. i've known her for only 2 years or so but she's even more dear and close to me den any other person i've known for 5, 6 years or even 10 years for that matter. it's amazing how everything just fell into place, how we sat together for sooooooooo long, how we wore braces together and how i enjoyed suaning her when i was braceless before her. how we were so excited when we were both braceless, how she'd tolerate all my nonsense, my singing, my crapping. how we were so alike in so many ways, how our bros happen to know each other, how we both happen to have boyfrens, how we both happen to be at the same stage ( erm actually i think huangs gone ahead of me, rite huang? HAHAHA)sorry inside joke. bearing with my bad temperments, my bluntness, she's always been ther listening to my problems and giving my constructive advice. she's someone i can trust and suprisingly i understand her pretty well, at least better den most eh huang? haha.. she's seen me through the most tough time of a teenagers life, all the relationships and of cos the dreadful o's. those sleepover nights we had, how three people ended up on a single bed, how we talked late into the night would be etched in my memory forever and i hope that there'd be more of that to come. here's to our everlasting frenship sugar pie honey bunch! you noe i love you! you're my number one darling! AHHAHAHAHA! ok that sounded les. dun cry k! see ya soon!
Posted by Brendy at 1:14 AM
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
It's a wonder how something as small and unimportant like the o levels results can get me so stressed out like that. ok who am i kidding, it is not small neither is it unimportant. and maybe that's why im so tremendously worried and yes not to mention panicky. ever since sec three, it has been a pain to look at any academic results i'd get back. somehow they just weren't up to anybody's standards. it's always been that bummed feeling and i'm just wondering if it be that same old familiar feeling with the o's. touch wood. i hope not and im praying i'd get to feel that different feeling for once in my two years of upper sec life. you see i made a horrible choice by taking 3 pure sciences and then struggling with all. im just not a science person as any of you who knows me would know. therefore it results in me getting a grade that leaves me wondering if i should just quit school altogether. haha. ok im kidding but ya results have been really depressing so far and unfortunately in singapore, all people even care about is the results. RESULTS! occasionally you get some bullshit from whoever that results are not everything and its the character blah blah, but at the end of the day does your character get you in to a good college? no its the RESULTS that matter. anyway the next time i blog, it'd either be i screwed up o's or i did ok. not gonna think bout doin exceptionally well. sigh..it's not that i have no faith in myself, it's just that i've had too many setbacks academically wise. hee..anyway trip to thailand was quite good.it almost felt like the old old brenda when i kinda had a tiny crush on this thai guy at the hotel. oh man he's reallly handsome and charming, not to mention speaks good english and so gentlemanly. bout early 20s i guess. haha. it's been a long time since i felt that way with everything happening in singapore. i just cant afford to have any crushes you see. actually well, not crushes but admiration rather.haha.and in singapore, i had another admiration for edmond's fren! haha. ok im not really being serious here, but well that guy sure has charisma, at least to me. we were paying blackjack and the banker had 27, he had 25 or sth, he was like, oh so i still win rite? hahahhaa!! how cute is that. ok i should stop it. again im not being serious. haha. but i sure do miss those days where all i had were crushes and no major major commitments or whatsoever. heh.
ok i shan't go there or huang and angie's prob gonna be shaking their head. sigh.haha.
i still cant believe the results might be on my birthday. 7 FEB!! people 7 FEB!! hahah. sigh..saddening. i really dun like it here one bit. really hope i'd be able to fly away to study. oh man. someone bring me away!